Sarah and I attended a cultural event, yesterday.
It was a wedding shower. It was a cultural event for us because it wasn’t Jewish.
I mentioned this to my friend, whose wedding shower it was, and I think I confused him. It wasn’t just because it was a wedding shower, which is very unusual except among very assimilated Jews, but because of all the other details.
Several things made this immediately apparent. We arrived on time, and we were among the last people to arrive. It was organized. After we were told to get food (part way through the 1 ½ shower), and we and the others got our food, the food was put away, well, except for the cake.
It was supposed to end at 3:30, and a few minutes before 3:30 someone said how it would be ending in a few minutes- which it did. That alone was like visiting Mars.
I reminded Sarah of that facet which I learned only a couple of years ago, that Christians actually are in their seats on time for services, and this must be connected to that.
If this had been a Jewish wedding shower it would have started at least 10 minutes late. A few people would have arrived on time and that would only be because Jews have a number of MOTs (members of the Tribe) who are OCD. That cancels out some of the other Jewish genes. Most people would arrive 20-30 minutes late. Nothing would happen before food was thrust on you. “You haven’t got a plate? What is wrong with you? Get a plate and I will introduce you to some people?”
No one would ever put any food away. God forbid! If one of the trays got to be 90% decimated, someone would pick it up and walk around thrusting it under people’s noses and saying, “Come on, you have to eat a little more! God forbid this should go to waste!” If it is the very last piece, they would sound very desperate and probably promise you a backrub if you would only eat it!
If, God forbid, there was a lot of food left over- and there would be, because no self respecting Jew could ever risk there not being enough food,( and the only way to ensure that is to make 3 times what you think you might need,) then you would have it shoved upon you, and could not leave unless you had promised to take some.
Sarah and I went, yesterday. Larry did not go with us because he was on call. In that sort of a situation, at least 8 people would have asked us where Larry was and was he feeling all right. That was assuming that only 2 people had already met him. You can multiply this out on your own, in case there were more. Then, I would have to take at least a 6 day supply of food home for him because , God forbid, he wouldn’t get to try some of everything and , of course “He works so hard!”
And if the party was supposed to end at 3:30, someone, at about 4 PM, might say something like, “Oh, I suppose I should start saying goodbye to people.” And then they would start, which would make everyone else aware that it was a good half hour after the party was slated to end; but the goodbyes would probably take at least 45 minutes, for the people who were in a hurry. And the other people would be saying about them, as they walked out the door, “I don’t’ know why they were in such a hurry to leave?”
Let me get back to the program. We sat in a circle. This was really ideal, since Sarah is deaf and she could see what was happening. I think it is also friendlier, and easier on old farts like me who get tired of standing up. And we went around and introduced ourselves and said how we had met the engaged couple. Most of us had met Darren first, so it was a little lopsided, but, on the other hand, it also meant that Darren got the brunt of the jokes and the teasing.
One friend introduced himself as Nick. Then he added, “And don’t say, ‘Hi Nick!’”
There was a lot of laughter at this remark, although I wasn’t quite sure why. Since I am totally devoid of any knowledge of pop culture, I assumed it was a line from a current TV show or some such.
This evening over dinner, my daughter explained to me that this is how you respond to people when they introduce themselves at AA meetings.
I looked stunned. I think Sarah realized that I’d had no idea, no clue as to this cultural phenomenon. None. And I was the Hearing person who is supposed to be so much worldlier than the deaf kid.
And I am wondering how come my 16 year old daughter knows about this…….and she can’t believe that I don’t. Maybe we are having our own kind of home-based culture shock.
Oh yeah, and I think we created a cultural faux pas by hugging Darren’s fiancé, Frank, before we left….I mean, isn’t that what you do with people you have just met? My multi-cultural manners must have gotten rusty.
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All the Jews around here have wedding showers & many have engagement showers. Most still don't have baby showers.
In Deaf Culture class we were talking about Deaf Time - parties starting late, ending really late. I mentioned Jewish Time, and all the Black kids mentioned Black Time (Evie calls it CP Time, for Colored People) - they're even worse than us, they often show up 4 hours late. We figured there aren't too many groups that start anything on time. I was at a Protestant shower once though, and it was similar to this one. Little bits of carefully measured food, served on a schedule & put away soon after. Almost like being in school. And no one hugged people they'd just met at the end.
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