Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Story of the Day 5/ 28/ 2012




Ely called to thank me.

For the shower cap.
You know, one of those plastic bubble things that pop on over your hair to protect your locked from getting wet when you shower.
It arrived in a small envelop from ....China.

It seemed like a rather extravagant thing, I suppose, to have ordered such small gift sent from so far away.
It made me sound sweet.
Eccentric...but also at least a little sweet.

The problem is that I did not send it.
I didn't even order it and ask to have it sent.
Not even on ebay, which has become my source for very cheap gifts. $2 ties and $1 purses.

I am sweet- but cheap.

Except, I am really very sure it wasn't me. As far as I know, I have never ordered a shower cap from ebay or from anywhere else.

I think that Ely was still suspicious that the shower cap was from me.
Maybe not on purpose.
Maybe I had ordered him another tie and the company had messed up and sent this shower cap along, instead.

Except that all of the sudden, Ely looked at the envelop again and realized that it was addressed to him using his first name
Something I never do when I order things for him.
I always use his middle name.
He uses his first name.

And he is reasonable sure that he

did not order a shower cap for himself.

And since he is not me, he is actually even more than reasonably sure.

In the meanwhile, if anyone out there has ordered a shower cap sent to Ely, and wants to be thanked, you should probably let him know that it was from you.
By way of China.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Story of the Day 5/ 22/ 2012



I haven't died.
I haven't even fallen off the face of the earth, although, I have not been posting stories.
This is NOT, however, because I have not been writing them.
It is because my most beloved children have been too busy to send me corrections and approval.

"What have they been doing that they are so busy?", you might ask.

Selling drugs.
No! Only kidding.

Actually, Sarah has been studying for finals and Aaron has been.......making this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWdDhfMPWLk

I have become inept ( they have changed the format), so I cannot put the video in this story, and you will have to paste this link to see it......sorry!

It is a video for a scholarship competition.
The competition is decided based on total views, not on quality.
This is sad, because , personally, in my very motherly-biased way, I think this is wonderful.



Sunday, May 6, 2012

Story of the day 4/ 24/ 2012 #2

My son joined me.
I was playing solitaire which I do when I am upset, or waiting for something.
He sat with me and drank glass of water.
And burped.
Not one of those standard ordinary burps.
This was a whopper.
The table shook.

And then he did it again.

I looked at him and I told him, "Aaron, you are my only chance of becoming grandmother. you need to work on this."

"You mean I shouldn't do this on my first date?"
"Nope. and not on your second or on your fucking third date, either."
As you can see, I have been learning vocabulary from the comedy videos Aaron has been watching.

Aaron didn't approve, even though it was his comedy video. I mean, the one he was watching.
" I dont' think it will help if you say those words when I bring her around to meet you."

"Aaron, dont' worry, I can watch my language until after you get a wedding ring on her finger."

Friday, May 4, 2012

Story of the Day 4/ 24/ 2012



My son, Aaron, has taken up an interest in comedy, despite the fact that being a stand up comic was not the particular career choice that was most recommended by the head of the yeshivah he was at in Israel.

I know this because he has been listening to videos of various comics.
And I even liked one of them.
Yes, it was rife with several semi-colorful ( I can do better, but then, I am an artist) 4-letter words, but it was clean humor.

I said as much to my son

He was surprised.

He was very surprised....
That I had heard the comic from the other room.
The other room being about 15 feet away.

I think he has forgotten that he is deaf, and when he listens to these things on-line, he puts the volume up high enough for the next door neighbor to hear it through two sets of brick walls.

The good thing is that, at that volume, the neighbor knows it is not me saying the 4- letter words.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Story of the Day 3 / 15/ 2012 #2




I felt really sorry for the guy, he looked like someone stole his puppy.
Or maybe someone had run over his dog with their car.
And it wasn't me, even though it was my car.

Because my car wasn't in good enough shape to run over anyone's dog- at least not if the dog had enough energy to limp into the roadway.
I suppose I should have looked that way, since it was my car, although, it is really Aaron's car, Carla.
You see, Carla decided to stop going.
This happened about two weeks ago.
Her get up and go got up and went and left her not going anywhere.
She, basically, wouldn't' start. And it wasn't the starter.

We know that. We know that because it was just replaced.

So, AAA towed Carla to the transmission shop. The one that Elizabeth Binford recommended.
Elizabeth and her husband Howard, who is not Binford , because she allowed him to retain his maiden name, when they got married, have a collection of older vehicles.
A collection meaning more than enough for the 4 of them. Older meaning, well, one of them dates from my childhood, although not from my early childhood.
Vehciles such as theirs require work to keep going, and I figured that whomever they used could breathe a little life into our 18 or 19 year old car.
After all, Carla isn't' close to my age, even if she is older than my daughter who is in high school. Not that I am at death's door, but if the car was 53 and still running, especially the way we occasionally run her into things , like the mailbox or the garage door or one of our other cars.....

So AAA towed Carla to the transmission shop where she then sat.
And sat.
And sat.

You see, that shop has a good reputation , so it tends to be rather busy.

At any rate, I received a call that Carla was feeling better and I should go pick her up.
It took a day to arrange a ride.

Luckily, I have neighbors who actually like to do favors for me.

Okay, so they also like to do favors for the homeless guy living under the bridge, and anyone they haven't even met , yet. But I can at least pretend that they like to do them for me.

My neighbors came by at about 8:30 this morning, and we took off to the far reaches of Indianapolis- and I am only slightly exaggerating. I think it is a 40 minute drive from my home- and since there is no traffic in Indianapolis, at least none that qualifies as traffic by New York, Los Angelos, or even St. Louis standards, it was a long drive.

We got there, and my kindly neighbors decided that they could not just leave me. They came in and spent the next ten minutes reading the thank you notes from grateful clients that were plastered here there and everywhere.
They also, after reading the letters and accolades, took one of his cards.

Jeff, the transmission guy, took my charge card, and gave me my key.
I drove off, with my kind-hearted neighbors just behind me.
I drove off, making a left out of their parking lot and headed up to the traffic light, where the car died.

Well, it didn't die. It started, it just wouldn't' go into gear.
Not into any gear.
Not first, second, third , fourth, fifth or even reverse. I didn't' really want to go into reverse and back into my ind-hearted neighbor's car. but at the moment I tried it, even reverse was starting to look good as I sat in the left hand turn lane of the major intersection.

In case you are not from Indianapolis, I need to describe this major intersection. The street has three lanes going north and a turn lane, I was in the turn lane. Of course, this was Indianapolsi at about 9:20 AM, so my neighbor's car was behind me, and there were a total of 5 cars in the three lanes to my right. Five. Total.
No one honked.
Why bother, there was plenty of room to maneuver.

The light turned red.
I was still monkeying with the car, and the clutch and the gear stick.
The light turned green again.
Carla still wouldn't go into gear.

I realized the clutch was stck to the floor.
Now, Carla has always had a light clutch, but not this light.
I tried to pry it up with my shoe.
It wouldn't' pry.
I bent down and tried to pull it up with my hand.
By this time, my neighbor had gotten out of his craand come to my window, which I rolled down and explain what I was doing.....

I got the clutch up, got Carla into gear and made a not very classy U-turn and went back to the repair shop.

Jeff was not too happy to see me, or Carla.
That is why he looked like I had run over his puppy.

I felt sorry for him.

If you live in New York, you do not understand this, but Jeff takes great pride in his work, and he was actually upset that Carla was not behaving the way he planned.
He took the car keys back, and I hopped back into my neighbor's car and we drove off to the cemetery.

The people one.
I need to clarify in case you thought we had headed off to an automotive one, and you thought, "Perhaps this was the end of Carla."


My neighbors had planned to visit it, after dropping me off to get Carla, and we were already half way there, so .......

After the cemetery, they dropped me home, to my ailing baby girl- the one that is younger than Carla.