Monday, November 30, 2009

Story of the Day 11/28/2009

Aaron has been invited to a meeting at a fraternity.
He is a bit confused. He wasn’t’ invited to “rush” for it. But ever since them, they have been inviting him to all sorts of events.
He likes the guys he has met through it. A lot. But was hesitant about them becoming is “exclusive” friends, which is what it seemed like as he visited the different frats.
But he does like the guys at this frat and is thinking about attending the meeting.

“Can I wear a polo shirt?”
Turns out the attire for the meeting is business attire.
“No, Aaron, you can’t.”
“So that means a button up shirt. Do I have to wear a tie?”
“Yes, but it can be colorful.”
“Oh, this might be a relationship killer. You know some of these fraternities have Classy Monday. I don’t’ think I could handle getting dressed up every week.”

My husband replies, “Yea, if you wanted to do that you could have just gone to yeshiva.”

Story of the Day 11/25/2009

We are driving to St. Louis.
I am driving to St. Louis.
Larry is riding shotgun and reading me the MapQuest direction and Sarah and Aaron are trying very hard to get some sleep in the back seat.
We have a luxurious car, but it is a car , not a van, and a Honda Civic, and my very tall kids with their very long legs have long since worn out the comfort of any of the 2 ½ possible positions they can manage to get into.
And it is late.
We couldn’t’ leave Indianapolis until 7:30…..and it was actually even later than that. PM. That made me the designated driver, since neither Aaron nor Larry have especially good night vision, and Sarah, who does, doesn’t’ have a driver’s license . Yet.
And it rains. Off and on. Hard and fast, and a light drizzle.
But we are making good time.
The hotel is on Lindberg. I get off at the Lindberg exit. According to MapQuest, which Larry is reading to me, it is not much farther.
I make a left at the traffic light. And then the road forks. According the Mqapq3est, I now go right, which I do, but after snaking around a bit on a very dark road, it ends. At a fence.
We must have done something wrong.

I get us turned around.
We go back to where we turned left….I pull the car over the side of the road and pull out my cell phone and the number of the hotel.
While it is ringing, a truck- a security truck pulls up.
I explain to the man where we are heading.
Well, as he tells us, they closed that road several years ago.
God bless MapQuest.
Not.

My call connects, and I struggle to understand the desk clerk. I ask her to repeat herself several times. My husband , whose hearing is better than mine, takes the phone, and also tries to get the information from her. And , from the underslept back seat comes the voice of our deaf son, “Just hand me the phone, I can hear her!”

“Since when?” Okay, I didn’t’ say it, but my husband and I did exchange amused looks.

Fortunately, the hotel desk person gives us new directions.
Direction that include driving down unmarked unlit side streets, but which do, shortly , get us to the hotel - and to, Aaron’s relief, a toilet.

You see, both hearing aids and a full bladder tend to improve hearing.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Story of the Day 11/20/2009

I went to the Jewish Day school, today, to pick up my friend’s children, two little kids who attend the preschool program.
While the older one, a little girl, was getting her coat on, one of the classroom teachers asked me, “Are you the person who interprets for the Margolis children?”

I was momentarily taken aback. First of all, I is hard for even me to think of Aaron and Sarah as children, not since they hit 6’2” and 5’10” respectively, and , second of all, I do not usually consider myself to be a professional who works for them, but I decided not to quibble over the first point.
“No, I am the Margolis children’s mother.”
This produced what could best be described as a pregnant silence, even though the teacher appeared to be a bit past childbearing age.

“Oh, that is what I meant.”
I didn’t’ bother responding to that one.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Story of the Day 11/ 15/ 2009

Aaron called me today.
Six times.
In 40 minutes.

That’s right, he was lost.
It is nice to be needed. Or maybe that is the punch line, and I have my story out of order.

Aaron had spent Shabbat and Saturday night at Purdue with his friend, Adam. He was going to stop at home and visit for a bit, on his way back to Ball State. Of course, that is because he wanted to do a few loads of laundry, but who is quibbling over getting a chance to visit with their baby boy?
Anyhow, not only do we own a large capacity washer and drier, but we were right on his way back to Ball State.

Yes, I didn’t’ believe it either. You see, Purdue is to the northwest of Indianapolis, and Ball State is to the north east of Indianapolis- north being the dominant part of this description.
However, the gods of MapQuest have ordained that in order to get from one to the other, you have to drive many miles to the south to Indianapolis and drive around the north side of Indianapolis on 465- the part of 465 that has exit 31, which happens to be Meridian Street, and near where we live.

Now, who am I to argue with the gods of MapQuest when they have taken my little boy about 55 miles out of the way just to have him drive by our house?
Okay, I did have one moment of stupid when I thought I should offer to find him a more direct route- but, fortunately, it was a very brief moment of stupid- and it passed.

So, this afternoon, about the time we were expecting him to arrive, I got the first of many calls from my son.

“Mom, I’m lost.”
“Where are you?”
“I am in downtown Indianapolis.”
Now, 465 does not go through downtown Indianapolis. It really doesn’t, but my son has managed this, and it is now my responsibility to get him back out of downtown Indianapolis.
“What streets are you near.”
“Michigan and Pennsylvania”
“Pennsylvania is near College and Meridian, look for one of those. And turn north onto it”
“I see Meridian.”

Fine, he is headed home.

Except that a few minutes later I get a call, “I can see the circle.”
The circle is Monument Circle. It is several blocks south of where he started- and he is trying to come back up north. Okay, so he turned the wrong direction on Meridian, anyone can do that.
“ Can you turn right on a street before the circle?”
“No, I don’t’ think so.”
“Okay, well, when you get on the circle, get off at the first chance and turn onto Illinois.”
“I don’t’ take the circle around?”
“No.”
“Oh wait, I can turn on Ohio.” (Ohio is before the circle.)
“Fine, then after you turn , you will see Illinois- turn on it and it will take you home.”
“ I don’t’ see Illinois.”

How can he not see Illinois? Ohio is one way.

“Wait, now I see it!”
“Okay, turn on it.”
“This doesn’t’ look right.”
“ I don’t’ care if it looks right, turn on it!!!!” Alright, so I am not the calm in all situations parent I like to pretend to be. At least I haven’t used the F word , yet.

Quiet, until the next phone call.

“Mom, I think I am going the wrong way.”

My hair is turning gray- what does he mean the wrong way? Illinois is a one-way street!

“ I can see the Children’s Museum.”
“Good, that means you are going the right way- the streets are getting larger if you can see the Children’s Museum.”
“Yea, but you know how the dinosaur breaks out of the side of it? It is on my right side when I drive downtown, and it is on my right side , now, and I am trying to drive away from downtown.”
“Aaron, you are not on the same street- the building is on both streets.”
“ I think I need to turn around.”
“No, don’t’ ! Just trust me!!!”

Never tell a teenager that. Have I been drinking?

“Just stay on Illinois, it will take you to Kessler, then turn left.”
A few minutes later…..
“I think I am going the right way, so now I turn right on Kessler?”
“No, LEFT, turn LEFT on Kessler! After that, turn right on Springmill.”
“Mom, If I see Spring mill, I will know how to get home!”

He will? Thank God for miracles!

Speaking of miracles, I need to go out and start pricing GPS systems for Hanukkah.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Story of the Day 11/ 13/ 2009

So I was looking at funeral flowers at Costco.
Oh yes, you did read those same words before, I started the 11/11/2009 Story with them. But this isnt’ the same Story, it is just the same flowers.
I mean, you do want to find out what happens with the flowers. Don’t’ you?
So, I was looking at funeral flowers at Costco.
I didn’t’ want to buy funeral flowers. I really wanted to buy some flowers in bulk.
The last time I bought flowers in bulk was many years ago…well, 9- for Esther’s Bat Mitzvah – and that was at Sam’s- whose display, back then at least, was large and varied.
Costco’s wasn’t. Large. Or varied.
There were some bouquets, starting at $8.99 for a modest one and going up. And one arrangement , like you would send to your mother for a holiday, and funeral flowers. A display advertising the many different ones you could order for your , or hopefully someone else’s special occasion.
But there was no flower lady.
At Sam’s, I remember there being a flower lady to help and answer questions.
Well, at Costco, they do have a person I charge of the flowers- who wasn’t there and they weren’t’ sure when I could speak with her. And most of the flowers were ordered on line- which also had a large choice if you wanted funeral flowers, as I found out about 2 hours later.
I gave my not very complete findings to Shawn. Shawn is my boss. At least for the moment, when it comes to flowers.
Recently, at synagogue I was asked if I would volunteer to work on a committee. At our synagogue, a committee means you do something. It is like president. At our synagogue being president means you change the light bulbs. SO, I figured they wanted me to either mow the grass or shovel the snow. I prefer the snow. It doesn’t’ bother my allergies.
But then, who is on the committee? I mean, I don’t’ want to shovel with just anyone.
I must have acted rather leery. But then I was told that it was Shawn who needed help, so I said okay. Shawn is not toxic. In other words, I would actually enjoy working with her.
And the meeting – yes , there actually was one- to decide who does what- involved her buying me a cup of hot chocolate.
So, after doing my previous assignment she gave me which was pricing multiple types of Lucite frames from a few different places, I set about at my next task, which was pricing flowers. For a dinner. For centerpieces. For honoring someone. Who is living- as in not dead.
So, I sent Shawn my somewhat questionable findings.
To which she replied:
Cassia, funeral flowers? Are they gorgeous? I like gorgeous.

I suppose we will have to choose a color.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Story of the Day 11/ 12/ 2009

I don’t’ have any stories.
Well, I do, there are the 4 that I sent out on a slow boat to China. I mean for approval and corrections, that seem to have gotten lost in cyberspace.
And then there is the Deaf School.
Except that Sarah asked me not to make them my Story of the Day, for several days now.
She didn’t’ say I couldn’t’ write about the public school that Aaron attended.
So, I will .
I will compare the school that I cannot write about in my Story of the Day with Aaron’s years at Northview Middle School and North Central High School.

At the Deaf School, which isn’t’ my Story of the Day, we have continual problems. Big , fate , serious ones.

At Aaron’s Middle and High schools, we had two that I can easily think of . There was the one high school teacher who had allergies. Apparently, she was allergic to the microphone for his FM system. The FM system is a microphone that the teacher wears- or students giving presentations use, and it feeds directly into Aaron’s hearing aids.
That way, if he is 15 feet away from the speaker, he can hear hem as well as if they were 4 feet away. Which is still only as well as a deaf person hears when using hearing aids, not what you probably hear, but it is a lot better than nothing.
Anyhow, the best I could figure out, this teacher was allergic to the microphone. Even the idea of wearing it made her break out in hives. So she didn’t’. She didn’t’ wear it, and she didn’t’ break out in hives. Much later, it was explained to me that she probably didn't really have an allergy to it, she just didn't like how it went with her clothes.

The other problem was the captioning. You know, the words that show up on the bottom of the TV screen if you turn that function on.

This allergy wasn’t confined to one teacher. We had two in high school who suffered from the affliction. A Biology teacher and the Hebrew teacher.

In Middles school, only one teacher appeared to be allergic, and it was the health teacher. Health. You know, the word they substitute for SEX ed. They do that because none of the teachers can keep a straight face while saying the word “sex”, and if they did manage to keep a straight face long enough to actually say it clearly enough for a student to hear, word might get home to the parents. At that point, there would be a sudden legal action taken against the school by a very offended parent or parents. The exact same parents whose child is most likely to get an STD or become pregnant before the end of middle school, since they also have never said that word or explained it , at home.
But, back to the teacher. The Health teacher.

She was apparently very allergic to captioning. At least, that is what I initially presumed. Except that I was wrong.
It turns out that the teacher wasn’t’ actually allergic to the captioning. The videos that taught about “reproductive systems” were antiquated.

I know about antiquated. My friend Harriet has explained to me about computers and antiquated. When she and her husband bought their first brand new computer, they bought a computer that was just below the top of the line. The husband said it would last forever it had so much memory. It would be ridiculous to get anything faster. And that was in about 1991. It became antiquated. But she was able to keep it. It makes a great doorstop.

Of course, Harriet is no longer married to that husband, he has also become antiquated, but she doesn’t’ use him for a doorstop.

Okay, I don’t’ think she actually kept the old computer as a doorstop. But she could have.

I have a cousin who was very concerned with computers becoming antiquated. This was about 10 years ago. In 1999. He was sure that there was going to be a major crisis, too, when they all blinked out over the date change that apparently the computers weren’t prepared for. So, he had stockpiled food , water and ammo in a rural place he likes and he kept urging me to do the same.

But back to the videos.
The videos were antiquated.
I know this because my son took that class in 2003 or 2004. And those videos weren’t’ captioned.
If they were made to be sold after 1995, they would have been required to be captioned. Mind you, I didn’t’ say made after 1995. Made to be sold after 1995. That is because the legislation was coming for a while. The date had been set, and companies planning on not having to spend a fortune to re-edit videos were actually captioning them well in advance, so that they would only pay to have them edited once….as well as not being stuck with a bunch of videos they couldn’t’ sell.
You see, it is a little different than buying copy of a 1950 classic. That videotape…ooooh, speaking of antiquated!...that videotape could have sat on the shelf and not have been captioned, even if you bought it in 2009…because it was sitting on the shelf. But we are talking educational materials for sale to schools. Those don’t’ get stuck o the shelf at Target, or in the bin at Best Buy. They are taken around and touted and then ordered.
So, the company was not planning on marketing these videos by 1995.
At any rate, these dusty, musty videos that saved the teacher from actually ever having to say, not just the word sex but also copulation, masturbation and erection, were pulled out and shown to his “health” class every day for weeks. And then the kids were tested on the material.
As soon as the problem arose, I started complaining.
Well, my kids was sitting in class day after day watching uncaptioned videos.
And he was going to be tested on the material. For some reason, I seemed to think this might be a problem.

You see, for Aaron to watch the videos un-captioned is like having the rest of the class sitting I the room day after day and watching an un-captioned video, with the sound turned off. And then being tested on what they learned. Well, actually, didn’t learn.
So I complained.

And the resource teacher- the cute little thing who I could pick up with one hand, except that she is taller than I am, went off to try to fix the situation. Which turned out to be unfixable.
You see, those were the only videos they had. No, not the sales people or the catalogues, but the school. And we couldn’t’ interrupt the smooth flow of the health class to try to order some captioned ones.
And , no, the teacher didn’t’ have enough time to either explain what was in the videos or to write down everything in the videos to get the information to Aaron. Apparently, not only could she not say the word sex, she couldn’t’ write it, either. A very serious allergy, I must say.
And while I understand the issue with it being too expensive to just up and order a whole new set of videos for the class, I think the school could have bought the teacher a nice big bottle of Benadryl and she could have presented at least some of the information in a lecture. Except, apparently this went against their zero tolerance policy on drugs.

And , no, they couldn’t turn the sound off to make the situation equal for all the students. So Aaron would just have to take the test, never having been given the information.

Which isn’t exactly what happened , either. That is because my son is a serious student. During some of the videos, and after some of them, he would ask his classmates what the video had been about. He was asking other 13 ad 14 year old boys to recap the lesson.

So, we settled for the next best thing. The teacher couldn’t’ teach him the material because of her allergies, and the video couldn’t’ teach him because it wasn’t’ captioned, but the students could. So, they had to test Aaron on what the classmates taught him…which meant they had to accept the vocabulary he learned from them as correct in answering the questions on the test.

Apparently, the teacher’s allergies didn’t extend so far as to prevent her from Xeroxing the tests, you see.

Incidentally, unlike the parents previously mentioned in the Story, I am not allergic to the word “sex”. And I had explained body functions and sex and even…..you might want to cover your eyes…birth control with my son when he was much younger. Which, incidentally, is really a better time to start the discussion, not a year after some of those students have already been exposed to the allergens.
But I never taught him the vocabulary he needed for the test. In English. You see, my son’s first language is ASL, so that is what I used to explain things to him which, to be honest, makes everything much clearer.

But thanks to the efforts of his classmates to help him learn the material in English, Aaron was able to pass the test, although they had to accept answers like “boner” to their questions.

Story of the Day 11/ 11/ 2009

I was looking at funeral arrangements. Not making an arrangement for a funeral- but the flowers.
I didn’t’ want to be doing that, but I think that is what most people would say, looking over the selection, unless they were from the rival Mafia family that had ordered the hit.
And they probably don’t’ get their flowers from Costco. Although, how would I know. I move in such lowly circles that I don’t’ even know anyone to ask.
Now, you might think I wanted flowers to go with a Costco casket.
I did a Story about them umpteen years ago- a Story which I got to revisit recently, due to being greeted, early in the morning, by a news bit that Wal-Mart has decided to compete with Costco.

This Story is from my pre-Blog years, and took a little bit of digging to locate. It was rather hard moving those megabytes around on my computer, and I had to do quite a lot of dusting, but…..

At this point, I am going to paste in some old Stories that predate my blog- so that you are at about the same point in the story that I am.

Story of the Day 10/02/07

I planned a rather normal day for myself. The late morning was dedicated to buying groceries.
I don’t’ get there every week, but one of the places I shop is Costco.
Today, it was my first stop- I had on my list to get salmon and milk (they have hormone free) and eggs, and light bulbs.
We have been gradually replacing our light bulbs with compact fluorescents. They save energy and money and are better for the environment. They don’t add heat to your house in the summer. BUT, the part that my husband likes best is that they last longer- so they have to be changed less frequently.
Of course, they can cause confusion.
Compact fluorescents take a few seconds longer to turn on.
Not that long ago, a friend was over here and headed down the hall, probably to the bathroom. She flipped the switch to turn on eth light in the hallway, then impatiently kept flipping it back and forth – and finally said, “I think your bulb is burnt out!”
I told her to wait, and I went and switched it on- and told her “ wait a minute!” and there was light. A bit pale, but very functional. I explained to her that her rapidly flipping the switch wasn’t allowing it enough time to come on.
Anyhow, we were out of them, so I added them to the list.
I had never bought them at Costco before, but had a vague idea where the bulbs were and headed off in that direction.
If you have never shopped at a wholesale store, you have missed the experience of having very poorly marked isles with all sorts of things you never expected to run into when shopping for milk and eggs.
They have bathroom vanities, and washers and dryers, and steel multi-drawer tool chests.
None of that surprises me.
But, I was surprised.
Did you know that they also carry caskets? Yeah, coffins. The fancy decorated metal ones they stick dead bodies in and then bury.
A very lovely display right back there near the light bulbs.
My first thought was, “This really isn’t an impulse purchase item, but it also isn't’ something you would go hunting down aisles to find.”
I mean, how many people make a trip to Costco looking to locate a coffin?
How many people would even think of it as a destination for that destination?
Then I thought, “I wonder how many of these they sell?”
Because part of how these big stores operate is by volume- they sell a limited selection, but a lot of that item…
Any guesses?
And would you go there to buy one?


Story of the Afternoon 10/02/07
I’ve had two wonderful emails, this afternoon- both in response to the Story of the Day, and both telling me of the same interesting development in eth casket business.
Apparently, with a little adaptation shelves can be added and caskets can be used as bookshelves until one’s demise.


Pat wrote me that she wondered if one would fit in her pantry- and if it did, would she and her husband have to compete to see who got to use it?
I suppose you could use more than one set of shelves.

I can see other problems, however. A person dies, and not only do you have to deal with all the other arrangements, and tearing out some shelves, you also have to rearrange your books or food or whatever it is to empty them. And dust. Well, maybe your bookcases are never dusty!
What if you are absentminded, does that mean your spouse gets buried along with your McCormick spices, or the half eaten box of saltines?
If it is your favorite Faulkner novel, it would be rather rude to remember it at the funeral and go rummaging under your spouse to get it back!(I will assume that no one I know s desperate enough to dig up a grave for a book or two!)
I can see other problems, I mean, you could be the person who is handy enough to put those shelves in yourself, but if not, you would call up a carpenter or handyman/woman and ask them to please put some shelves in your casket. I can imagine that this would go over very well.
I can tell that I am going to spend all evening thinking about this while I am drawing

Story of the Afternoon 10/02/07
PART TWO
Sharon Riley emailed me:
Gives a whole new meaning to “Honey, some day, this will be yours…..”


The Story of the Afternoon
Part 3- 10/02/07
Part three? I have never done a Part 3 before, but this story just won’t die.
Okay, that was a very bad pun.
Charles Ballinger sent me a website for a religious order that makes very beautiful wooden caskets. Still not “kosher” for the Jewish clientele, but they would make truly lovely bookcases!

http://www.abbeycaskets.com/index.asp



Back to the November 11, 2009 Story of the Day :

Despite the late start in the casket business, Costco has been selling tem since….., Wal-Mart expects to do a brisk business. All bit one of their caskets goes for under $2,000. The one pricey one is a specialty bronze model for folks who want to go in style.

But as I lamented in my Face Book status update, that doesn’t’ help us Jewish folks, who need a wooden box with some holes and no metal nails, but my friend Nancy Casey , who has obviously given this much more thought than I have, informed me that they have actually been selling Jewish caskets for years. Labeled banker’s boxes. I mean, you have to fold them into shape by yourself, but , hey , a t that price.

Of course, as I told her, they also have linen. We could just go in and get 8 yards and save a bundle. Or 8 ½ , if grandma was a bit chubby. And she , Nancy- not my grandma, said it would not be a bad idea to buy it in bulk.
Though, as I pointed out, we should be careful not to charge the rat poison on the same card.
We have similar families. Well, maybe hers has more class.
Wait, maybe one of her relatives can tell me where the Mafia orders their flowers from……