Story of the Day 10/3/2011

It is Monday, the Monday before Yom Kippur.
On the very slim chance, that you have no idea what Yom Kippur is, it is Not the most important holiday for Jews. That happens to be Shabbat. However, it is the most solemnly observed one.

There are two holidays that non-religious Jews observe. Passover- even if the entire observance consists of having a box of matzoh with their pork chops, and Yom Kippur

Yom Kippur is substantially more solemn and serious. And not only because you do not eat matzoh with your pork chops or with anything else on Yom Kippur, since you are fasting.
So, Yom Kippur is substantially more solemn and serious, and stressful.
And it is especially stressful for me.

That is because, in addition to having to look into my soul and examine my sins, errors and omissions of the past year- which, sadly I haven’t done because I am an ethically lazy slob – I need to find an interpreter for synagogue.

This particular issue rears its head every damned year.
On good years, I find one.
On bad years, I am stuck doing a very lousy job translating ( it isn’t really interpreting because I have to read the English side of the prayer book to know what the rabbi and hazan and other readers are rapidly intoning, in order to sort of render it into ASL or whatever it is I manage to sloppily sign.)

Those years are the worst.

But even on years that I find an interpreter and can sit and relax through the service ( and I assure you, after finding that interpreter , I am much more relaxed than the average fasting Jew, because they didn’t have to find an interpreter ), I am stressed out for weeks in advance as I call and email and IM terp after interpreter after interpreter to try to find a live body that is not comatose and actually knows ASL.

I always start out a bit foolishly, I mean optimistically, with a list of 5 or 6 names of reliable, good interpreters. But as I get to the bottom of the list, and as the time rushes past, I start worrying and worrying.

First I call or text back the family or families or lone person who has requested the interpreter.
Do they have any other names I could call? A terp they had at a doctor’s appointment 4 years ago? An interpreter they ran into at Wal-Mart and who signed well enough to consider? A terp who their 15th cousin twice removed once mentioned ……anything.

Eventually, I start cornering not just the Deaf people coming to services for their list of okay terps, but any other Deaf person I can find who signs ASL for possible names of terps.

And then there are the actual contacts. With the terps, that is.

A timid, “Well, I really am not qualified” is answered by my frenetic “ Yes you are, you are alive and you can sign!”

And then,” But I have never interpreted anything Jewish before”
“ But you have never actively been a member of the Nazi party, right?”

“ I feel I wouldn’t be able to do a good job since it will be so unfamiliar.”
“That is okay, you are breathing, aren’t you?”
“ And I am unfamiliar with the vocabulary,”
” Are you still breathing? Breathing is good!”

In fact at this point, it is the only requirement.

Okay, and not being a member of the Nazi party.

I should also add that in addition to breathing, behaving professionally is important……

Several years ago, we hired an interpreter who was actually recommended highly to us .
After services, I was helping to clean up and put away things, and a couple came back into the building to let me know that the interpreter had cornered them in the parking lot and tried to convince them to come to her church so they could be “ saved”.
I later heard she had said the same thing to another Deaf attendee, but that person didn’t let me know until later.
Somehow, this didn’t really hit me as being very professional behavior.

At any rate, as desperate as I have gotten, some years, I haven’t called her for a repeat performance.

However, if you have the names of any other terps who are still breathing……..*

· Reality note- I actually run all names of interpreters past the Deaf people who are coming, so they can veto anyone who was recommended by someone else. This is hard to explain to people who do not know ASL, but an interpreter who is perfectly clear to one Deaf person may be terribly hard to understand for another deaf person.
· Meanwhile, that same vetoed terp may be exactly who the next Deaf person coming to the next Shabbat or holiday service thinks is perfect.