Story of the Day 12/10/2009

I had coffee with my friend, Cindie, yesterday.
Somewhere in the vast middle stretches of our disjointed conversation the topic of my stories came up.
It really started with a birthday, although, not a birthday of anyone that either of us knows.
On occasion- the occasion being a birthday- parents will pay to have a sign set up outside of their child’s school proclaiming “ Happy Birthday Kyle!” or “Happy sweet 16, Amy!”
This week, outside of her son’s middle school was a sign proclaiming “Happy Birthday poo-poo!” And then, to some student’s absolute mortification, it also gave his real name.
This prompted my fried Cindie to threaten her middle son with “I am going to have them put up a sign for your birthday , next fall, that says “Happy Birthday, Tushy!”
I talked about using that as the basis of a Story- to which Cindie remarked that I must have a hard time coming up with topics for stories- not because this wasn’t just right for one, but because both Esther and Aaron, my older two children, are away at college- and not home to entertain me with their adventures. And mis-adventures.
I told Cindie to read the blog.
I really told her that because she has apparently missed the recent series of Aaron stories, and I am sure she would feel pleased to see that even an hour and a half away , he is providing me with amusement.
I must say, however, that the amusement that he has provided pales in comparison to what Esther provides. And Esther, 15 hours away in the wilds of upstate New York, is certainly not expected to be providing us with constant entertainment. But, you can take the child out of the household, but after all of those years living with her demented parents, she has been fully warped.
I don’t’ just mean that she has retained the family penchant for hanging around thrift stores and used book stores, or for eating cabbage and tofu stir fry for breakfast. I am not even referring to the more than occasional non-sequiturs that are part of ordinary life. I am referring to her unique take on ….everything.
Esther had an assignment. She had to write some sort of a family history. A paper about the history of her family. Of course, coming from our family, it is imperative that she lie. This is because there is no way to write a history of our family in a paper, when it already requires several volumes to just do one branch. Hey, it is not my fault that we have an extensive family tree of quirky relatives that goes back to 1040. Well, actually, it goes back farther, but I am unwilling to ask the relative who has the rest of it for a copy. You see, a number of years ago, I was a bad influence on her daughter. This was before I knew we were related. And, I am sure she has not forgotten. You see, it is largely my fault that her daughter not only went to college, but got a college degree.
It may be another couple of decades before she forgives me.
So, every time the topic of who might have a copy of that part of the tree comes up, I tell the inquiring cousin to ask her, but not to mention me.
And her daughter didn’t even draw any naked people in college. I don’t’ think .
At any rate, Esther had this assignment. And I started emailing her bits and pieces of family lore, articles from books and the like. Of course, because she is not totally crackers, she asked me to stop. If she hadn’t, by now her entire apartment would be filled up with family crap. I mean information.
Besides which, there is no way she could have possibly ever used all of that crap. Whoops, information.
There was way too much and most of it was rather unbelievable. Including the historically authenticated parts. Maybe, especially those.
So she created a new family history.
It is really quite wonderful. And detailed, and even includes bits of pieces of the truth, but not too much to make it totally unbelievable.
She sent me an email about it:

remember that family history paper i was going to write?
turns out it was optional
so i made up most of the details
and got an A.
professor henry says we have a fascinating family, and how fortunate we are to have letters from Godaliva (my great great grandmother).
Love,
e

I can’t wait to read it.