Story of the Day 8/29/2010

I am a woman of many talents, unfortunately, one of them is puking.

I have this hereditary condition- it comes with tinnitus (ringing in the ears), uneven hearing loss (one ear hears better than the other), poor balance, and this nasty little thing called vertigo ( yep, just like the Alfred Hitchcock film) . One of the nice little details about vertigo is that it means that I get car sick easily, plane sick, Ferris wheel sick, escalator sick, and sometimes just having my husband roll over in bed will get me sick. And, believe me, puking is not attractive. It is not attractive to the person doing it and it is not attractive to anyone else in the vicinity.
Although, it does have its benefits.

Yes, benefits.

You see, my children know how much I truly love them. Years ago, they were desperate to ride the rides at the state fair and I , not wanting y children to ride alone, got on with them. Of course, the end result was me puking off to the side of the ride- fortunately, after getting off of it. But to this day, Esther still remembers that I loved her enough t puke for her.

And there is the fact that I was willing to let them learn to drive.

You see, part of getting your driver’s license is the part where you have a learner’s permit, which means a licensed adult needs to be in the car with you. And, of course, you want to give your child every opportunity to practice those driving skills. Esther still remembers that very first time she drove up to Target. And I made it all the way there and even got my car door open before puking in their parking lot. Twice.

Of course, with Aaron, I think the very first time he tried to drive, in the parking lot of the school nearby, I managed to puke about 5 minutes into the lesson. Hey, don’t blame me- it is those standard transmission cars that lurch every time they stall out.

And, on some occasions, I even manage to get car sick when I am driving.

Like, this evening. I made the mistake of glancing at my friend. We were on our way to watch the Fever- our local WNBA team, play. And I was chatting with my friend Susan. And I glanced over one too many times.
And, luckily, there was a plastic bag in the side pocket of my door. Well, I should not say “luckily”, I usually have at least two handy in the car. And, even luckier, I managed to not need it. We got to the parking garage, and I took my time getting out of the car and regaining my sense of balance- and then we went into the field house. And I was smart enough not to use the escalator- but even the steps bothered me, and well, luckily the guy at the ticket office had a plastic bag.

Lynne, is this sounding familiar? Lynne knows to bring one with her when picking me up from the bus station.

I made it past the ticket takers, and into the women’s bathroom before puking a second time. Although, some of it hit the floor because the trash can was just a few feet too far.
And then, I thought I was doing really well, until before half time. But this time I made it all the way to the toilet.
Eventually, my vertigo pretty much subsided.
Of course, by the time it was the 4th quarter, all I could think of was eating- or, at least drinking some hot chocolate with whipped cream. Well, how do you think I manage to stay fat?

Do you think this might be why no one ever takes me anywhere?