Story of the Day 2/ 24/ 2010

My son called me.
It was a run of the mill call. He started out by apologizing. “Am I calling you enough? I am really sorry if I have not been calling you enough!”
He is driving me nuts. And not because he isn’t’ calling me often enough. I do not know where this comes from, as far as I seem to remember, I have not spent an excessive amount of time loading him up with guilt, saying things like, “ You must not love me, you never call!”
I am starting to wonder if it is some subtle body language, a look I give him…but since we are talking about phone conversations, I am not quite sure how that would be possible.
At any rate, I have this gnawing feeling that I have been a bad mother and have left him with an incurable guilt complex. And it is only because I have a really bad memory that I have no idea what it is I did to warp him in this way.
Maybe it is my fault because I keep asking him if he is having fun.

But this was not all that was bothering him.

“ I really wasted a lot of time.” He explained to me.
“I was working on this screen playing, and working at it. I spent a lot of time on it, but I decided that it isn’t’ working, so now I am starting another one.”

I had to ask, “What was wrong with the first one.”

“Well, it was a musical. And I kind of realized that I probably should not try to write a musical, since I am deaf.”
And I was worrying that he feels guilty about not calling me…….